Chistes varios 3

Chistes copiados de varias fuentes y en su idioma original.
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St. George and the Dragon.

A tramp knocked on the door of the inn known as St. George and the Dragon. The landlady answered the door.

The tramp said, “Could you give a poor man something to eat?”

"No,” said the woman, slamming the door in his face.

He knocked again and said, “Could I have a few words with George?”
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Prayers are answered?

This is a fairly old one that I heard from my Rabbi, J. Herzog. I don't know where he got it from, but surprisingly few people have heard it.

Rabbi Greenberg is sitting alone in the sanctuary of his synagogue-- crying. He is clutching a prayer book in his hands and a closely written sheet of paper; tears are streaming down his upturned face, and sobs heave from him tearingly.

"Why, Lord?" he cries out. "Why did this have to happen? How could my son, my ONLY son, destroy me like this? My--my only son--he converted to Christianity!"

And a great voice booms down from the heavens: "YOURS, TOO?"
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Mortal talks with God.

Mortal: What is a million years like to you?

God: Like one second.

Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?

God: Like one penny.

Mortal: Can I have a penny?

God: Just a second...
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Better Than Pork.

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying, "I know that in your religion you're not supposed to eat pork. Have you actually ever tasted it?"The rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."

Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too... I know you're suposed to be celibate, but...?"

The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice."

There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"
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Rabbi in the Catholic Hospital.

Rabbi Levy had to spend time in a Catholic hospital. He became friends with the Sister who was a nurse there. One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing. She asked him good-naturedly, "Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?"

"Oh, sister," chuckled Rabbi Levy, "I just figured one suffering Jew in this room was enough."
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A Birthday Wish.

Little Sonia was shouting her prayers. "Please God send me a new doll for my birthday."

Her mother, overhearing this, said, "Don't shout dear, God isn't deaf."

"No, but Grandad is, and he's in the next room," Sonia replied.
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A Darkened Theater.

A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"

Several men stood up as the lights came on.

An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a nice, Jewish girl?"
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A Puzzle for Darwin.

On the sixth day, God created the platypus (ornitorrinco, en español). And God said: Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.
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Faith Elements.

Q: Photons have mass?

A: I didn’t even know they were Catholic!
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Serving Two Masters.

A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy.

"Nothing easier," Twain replied. "No man can serve two masters."
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Classic Farmer joke.

A ventriloquist was driving through the midwest when his car broke down. He walked a ways and found a farmer who would let him use his phone. Well, the farmer seemed to be a real stereotypical rural type, so the ventriloquist thought it would be possible to have some fun with him. The farmer began to lead him back to the house.

Along the way, they passed a horse. The ventriloquist said to the farmer, "Is this your horse?" The farmer replied, "Yep." The ventriloquist asked, "Can he talk?" The farmer said, "Nope." The ventriloquist then said to the horse, "So, how do you like it here?" He then threw his voice, and said in a horse-like voice, "Oh, it's pretty good. Every morning the farmer feeds me oats." Upon hearing this the farmer was startled and quickened his pace.

Soon they came to a cow. The ventriloquist asked, "Is this your cow?" and the farmer replied, "Yep." He then asked, "Does it talk?" and the farmer replied, "I..I don't think so." The ventriloquist asked the cow, "How do you like it here?" and threw his voice again. In a cow-like voice, he said, "Oh, I like it just fine. Every morning the farmer comes and milks me." Upon hearing this, the farmer squirmed. He looked down at the ground and continued walking.

Soon they came to some sheep. The ventriloquist asked, "Are these your sheep?" and the farmer replied, "Yep." He then asked, "Do they talk?" and the farmer exclaimed, "Yes, but they lie!"
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Una niña de 6 años asistía a clases en la escuela primaria.
Prestaba poca atención en todas las materias, salvo arte.
Un día la profesora de arte vió que estaba muy ocupada realizando un dibujo.
La profesora le preguntó que estaba haciendo.
- Estoy dibujando a Dios.
La profesora sorprendida le dijo, "pero nadie conoce como es Dios".
- En unos momentos lo sabrán.
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